Every family is unique, but there are some family generational issues that can affect all kinds of relationships. Differences and disconnect between generations, or the generation gap, can result in a variety of challenges, such as miscommunication and family strife. There are ways to work through all of this, however.
Differing Views of Parental Respect
Respect for one's elder family members has undergone a transformation in the last 50 years. Younger parents, particularly those in their early 20's, have a tendency to treat children with more equality than the Baby Boomer or Traditionalist generation. Some of today's grandparents grew up with a mentality that children should be seen and not heard. They may want children to demonstrate respect for elders and individuals in general. In earlier generations, as a child, you respected your parent's discipline (usually physical), and you did what you were told, when you were told to do it.
Good communication can make a big difference in overcoming this generational challenge. Talk about your expectations for kids' behavior and how you expect to be treated. Clear expectations are easier to meet than ones no one knows about.
Related: 50 Family Dinner Table Conversations for Great Table Talk
The Role of Children as Part of the Family Unit
Your children today might be treated as equals within your family, although you provide limits and structure. Family meetings are more common today, as you come together to solve problems and avert family crises. Younger family members are able to voice an opinion, which can be bothersome to the older generation. Grandparents may still hold on to the belief that kids should simply follow the instructions given and not question why or how. Familial conflicts can arise when a younger family member challenges an elder's opinion or directive.
This is another situation where talking can help. Discuss the role of kids in your family and how and why you want to include them in discussions. It's easier if everyone is on the same page.
The Technology Gap
Cell phones. Smartphones. Computers. Today's generation lives and breathes technology. Your child's toys are likely to even be electronic in nature, such as computer games to teach letters and numbers. The older generation of America grew up in a time when handwritten letters meant something and texting was unheard of. Grandparents are usually going to be upset if your children are texting at the dinner table or checking their smartphone email during a movie or family reunion. This is seen as disrespectful to others in the room. Older Americans do not understand the social networking phenomenon and may be disturbed by the lack of privacy with which the younger generation lives.
If some family members seem concerned about the role of technology, take the time to ask them what they're thinking and feeling. Consider having grandkids teach their grandparents about technology to help everyone bond and learn more at the same time.
Work Ethic and Educational Goals
Today's generation strives to be successful but wants instant gratification. Most people change careers at least once if not more often during a lifetime, and freelancing is becoming a popular alternative to the nine-to-five work week. Younger family members can become "permanent students," seeking more and more education. The older generation may have had a very different view of the role of work and education.
Encourage individuals to talk about their dreams for their career or their educational goals. Ask older family members for advice too. They have a lot of wisdom to share, and talking about these issues can help them feel invested.
Autonomy and Identity
Individuals today are encouraged to be themselves and define their independence early in life. A child as young as eight or nine years-old will assert their opinion with recognized authority figures. This is a drastic change for the Traditionalist generation, who looked up to those who were older and never imagined challenging authority. The push for early independence is somewhat lost on Baby Boomers as well, who believed "kids should be kids" for as long as possible. Grandparents might see you as being too permissive with your children and allowing them too much freedom too soon.
Asking questions can help with this issue. How was being a kid different when the older generation was young? How did they assert their independence? A great discussion can help everyone understand the perspectives better.
Bridge the Generation Gap
Listen to each family member's perspective to start bridging the generation gap, and allow opinions to be expressed without judgment. Assist older family members in learning the new lingo and technology, so they do not feel lost, which might contribute to misunderstandings and arguments. Explain your intentions, but do not compromise your beliefs. Above all, listen to what the older generation has to say, even if you do not agree. Most just want their voice to be heard, and you may learn valuable information from another perspective.
