So you've been dating casually for a while, but things are starting to get serious. In fact, you may feel like it's time to take the next logical step in your relationship — exclusivity. We've all been there at some point in time. This can be an exciting time in a relationship, but it can also feel a little scary. So, if you're ready to take that next step, we have all the advice you need to help you make a smooth transition from casual dating to something more serious.
Are You Ready to Make It Exclusive?
You've fallen for someone. Now you're anxious to make your relationship exclusive. It's great that you're feeling positive about your connection, but have you taken the time to gauge whether you're really ready to take that next step? Ask yourself the following questions.
- Do I know what I want in life, personally and professionally?
- Am I emotionally stable and available?
- Do I have good communication skills? If not, am I willing to build them?
- Am I ready to make my relationship a priority?
If you answered no to any of these questions, you may need to take a step back and figure out what you need to do in order to feel ready. However, if you answered yes to all of these questions, you pass the readiness test!
Related: What Does Exclusive Dating Mean?
Communicate Your Intentions
One person's reasons for dating can vary vastly from the next. Some are in it to find a long-term relationship, while others are in it for fun. When you know you're interested in someone, communicate your desires and expectations as soon as possible. Specifically, tell the person you care for that:
- You're looking for someone who wants a long-term relationship, perhaps marriage. Putting off this conversation can lead to heartache in the long run. Ask the other person if they're looking for a serious relationship so that you know whether there's potential from the get-go. If your intentions don't match up, this may not be the right person for you.
- You think there's potential for something to develop between the two of you. This is important because some individuals may have the desire to be in a long-term relationship but stay with someone they don't feel connected to until the right one comes along.
Speaking your mind in this way will give your love interest the opportunity to see where you stand and to reflect on their own expectations and feelings about the relationship so far.
Let the Relationship Progress Naturally
Sometimes, the desire to be in a relationship can cloud the fact that you barely know someone and should probably give it time before you rush into a commitment. Every connection is different, but if you've known this person for less than two or three weeks, there's a good chance you need to slow down.
Recognize the difference between seeing the potential for a relationship with someone and actually developing feelings for that person. This will become apparent as you continue to see one another.
- You start to look forward to talking and spending time together.
- You feel excited or turned on when they're around.
- You think of them throughout the day.
- You become emotionally invested in their happiness and success.
Determine if They're a Good Fit
You feel great when you're around your special someone, and you always have fun together. That doesn't necessarily mean you'll fare well together in a relationship. That's why it's important to assess if they're a good fit. Fortunately, there are some common signs to look out for that indicate a positive match. A great relationship match will:
- Make time for you
- Respect your opinion and lifestyle
- Communicate thoughts and feelings openly with you
- Care about you, your life, your thoughts, and your feelings
- Share similar values
- Consistently make you feel good when you're together
On the other hand, if they display consistently negative behavior, there's a good chance that a relationship will not work out. Common red flags include:
- Making fun of you or putting you down
- Failing to set aside time or canceling plans at the last minute
- Being closed-minded, judgmental, or keeping you at a distance physically or emotionally
- Being irresponsible when it comes to obligations like work or finances
People who display negative behaviors at the beginning of a relationship are unlikely to change. If this is the case, it's best to cut it off now instead of moving forward. If the positives reign, however, it's time to take the next step.
Express Your Feelings
Does your special someone know exactly how you feel? Perhaps you've been dropping hints, trying to communicate that you're very interested in them, but you haven't said it outright. While some people are adept at reading between the lines when it comes to romance, others aren't so gifted. Be very transparent. Genuinely share your thoughts and feelings with the person you are dating.
- Traits that you value in them
- How they make you feel
- The quirks that make you smile
Be physically affectionate as well. Placing a hand on the forearm or leaning in close are great ways to show that you're interested and comfortable.
Some people are more receptive to certain types of touch than others. A quick "Is this okay?" is a great way to check in with the other person. If the response is positive, you'll know that your feelings are reciprocated.
Find Out How Your Special Someone Feels
Before you go completely down the rabbit hole of investing in someone, you must know if they're also falling for you. Pay attention to how this person behaves when you're together. It's a good sign if they:
- Smile and/or laugh frequently
- Display affection through body language and physical gestures, such as getting close and touching you
- Reach out to spend more time with you
- Actually tell you that they like or love you
If you're not good at reading the signs or you haven't spotted any, ask questions to help draw the person out. It can be as simple as, "Are you having a good time?" The response will give you a good idea of whether the person enjoys spending time with you.
If it's been some time since you started dating and you still can't tell, have an honest conversation. Get straight to the point and ask "Are you into me?" The worst he or she can say is no. In that case, you move on. If the answer is yes, savor it and seek ways to help your love interest come out of his or her shell when spending time with you.
Connect on a Deeper Level
You may already know that you're falling for one another, but it takes time and effort to develop closeness. Thankfully, there are ways to deepen the connection between you and your romantic interest a bit more quickly.
- Share information about yourself you don't normally share with friends, such as personal struggles, fears, and dreams. It gives the other person an opportunity to empathize and show support. Try not to get too heavy too soon. This can put people off early on in a relationship.
- Ask what's important in their life. Give the other person the opportunity to go deep as well. You may be surprised when they reveal a level of personality that you never experienced before.
- Try a new activity together that pushes your boundaries or puts you in your happy place. For example, take a dance class, try karaoke, or picnic under the stars. This will create new and unique memories that you can keep with you forever and strengthen the bond between the two of you.
Spend More Time Together
Show your special someone that you care by asking them to spend time together more frequently. It shows that you see the relationship as a high priority and that you value nurturing the connection between you two.
- Set aside at least one night a week to see one another. Reserve it as an unbreakable commitment on your calendar so that when work or other issues arise, you aren't tempted to skip it.
- Spend a weekend to get to know one another better, or book a weekend getaway. There's nothing like spending two or three days and nights away from the hustle and bustle of daily life. It will allow you to connect on a deeper level and give you the opportunity to see one another in a new setting.
It's actually been proven that quality time is one of the top indicators of long-term relationship success. Put in the effort now so that you can reap the rewards later.
Introduce Your Loved Ones
Inviting your romantic interest to meet your friends and family is a great way to show that they are important to you. It sends a clear message that you want this person to be a part of your life. Start with a no-pressure situation, such as a barbecue or a night out for cocktails. If they make an effort to get to know your loved ones and show interest in their lives, that's a good sign that they plan to stick around.
Introducing your love interest to friends and family will also give those closest to you a chance to see how this person treats you. If they are good people but react negatively, there may be something off about your relationship. Whether or not they express this openly, check in with them later. Ask for their honest opinions. Most people are blind to the bad behaviors of people they're interested in. Friends and family have no qualms about breaking the illusion. However, if they see that you're happy and that your date is a good person, they will be happy for you, too.
Ask for Exclusivity
If everything has gone well so far, and the time feels right, it's time to pop the question. Be sure to ease into it so that your love interest isn't taken off guard.
- Ask if you can have a conversation about the relationship.
- Set aside a time to talk.
- When you meet, share what you have enjoyed about your time together thus far.
- Explain that you are willing and ready to commit to being exclusive and ask if they feel ready, too.
- Wait for their response.
Once you've said everything you'd like to say, leave space for your special someone to reflect and respond. There's no rush. If you truly care for one another, the conversation will be fruitful. Assume, going in, that they are just as interested as you are. However, also be prepared in case the conversation doesn't go the way you hoped.
If Things Don't Work Out
There are going to be times when your attempt to make a relationship exclusive doesn't pan out. This could go a couple of ways.
Not Interested
The person you're interested in may not looking for a relationship or just doesn't want one with you. Don't take it personally. People vary drastically on what they want in a relationship. Although it may hurt at first, recognize that you can't be a match for everyone. In this case, it's best to cut your losses. If you are truly looking for lasting romance, the sooner you can move on, the better.
Not Ready
Alternatively, your special someone may need some time to think about your proposal. In that case, give it to them. Becoming exclusive is a big commitment. It's better for both of you to wait until you are certain it is the right move. However, it's okay to be practical. Before you close the conversation, set a date, perhaps one to three months in the future, in which you can revisit the topic. That way, you aren't waiting forever for your loved one to change their mind.
If you have another chat and the answer hasn't changed, you have to decide for yourself whether this person is worth waiting for. In the meantime, start seeing other people. You may actually find someone you like who wants to commit to you and only you.
Take Your Time
In dating, becoming exclusive is a big deal. It shows that you really care about the person you are with and are willing to devote your time and energy to creating a lasting relationship. Take your time to move through each stage so that you build a deep connection before you suggest a commitment. In the end, you must be on the same page about what you want in life and in romance. Take your time. You will eventually find that special person who wants to make that commitment to you.
