How does one have a holly jolly Christmas? By telling funny Christmas stories that make bellies shake like bowls full of jelly. Bonus? These funny Christmas tales can help break the icicles at holiday parties and bring a twinkle to the eye during stressful family gatherings or shopping trips. So get your giggle and belly jiggle on with these 12 funny Christmas stories.
The Ugly Christmas Tree
The cat had an obsession with the sparkling, twinkling Christmas tree. The entire holiday season, it was an endless job to keep the cat from the climbing the tree and the family from climbing the wall. Thankfully, it was Christmas Eve, and the tree would be coming down soon.
However, it was then that the oversized barn cat decided it was time to wage war. Unfortunately, the tree stand wasn't up to the added weight of the pudgy, treat-happy tomcat. With one single leap like a reindeer landing on a roof, the cat launched into the tree, and it came crashing to the ground with a thunderous boom.
Upon hearing the resounding crash, the entire family sprang from their bed. The living room looked like a Christmas wasteland, with ornaments rolling under the couch and the tree crushing presents. The cat slunk away under the radar to pick needles out of his fur. Bobby, the youngest, looked up at his mother in wonder, and with the keen eye of a kid, he said, "Dad was right, Mom. Santa thought your Christmas tree was ugly, too."
Bad Christmas Tree
One magical season, a surprise was waiting for Maria and her family under the tree. Three-year-old Maria's new secret puppy pooped under the Christmas tree before her father could put it in hiding.
When Maria came home from her grandma's on Christmas Eve, she ran to the tree to take another glance before going to sleep. She instantly spotted the stinky surprise! Seeing the poop on the floor, Maria quickly ran into the kitchen to her mother.
"Mom, I think you need to give the Christmas tree a time out."
"Why?" her mom asked curiously.
"It pooped on the floor!"
Unfortunate Christmas Cookies
Two weeks before Christmas, four-year-old Christy found out she was allergic to gluten! Christmas Eve was packed with activities and endless lists of things to do. With no time to get Christmas cookies, her mom picked up some gluten-free ones at the store. That way, Christy would be able to have a jolly holiday snack, too.
That night, Christy's father ate one of the leftover Santa cookies. It went down the wrong tube on the last bite, and he found himself coughing up crumbs. Thinking nothing of it, the parents went to bed.
The next morning was full of fun, with a pile of wrapping paper from opening presents. The family was sitting down to breakfast with their new toys when Christy looked at her gluten-free toast with a sad look.
"Mom, I think I should send Santa a sorry note."
"Why?" her mother asked curiously.
"I heard him coughing on the cookies last night!"
The Magic Hat
After school, Timmy was digging through his father's closet.
"What are you looking for?" his father asked, taking in the mess.
"I'm seeing if you have a magic hat," Timmy stated, throwing a blazer out of the closet, adding, "We watched Frosty the Snowman at school today, and they used a hat to bring him to life. It looked like that one you wore on Grandma's birthday."
With a knowing smile, the father looked at the boy. "You want to see if my top hat will bring our snowman to life?" his father asked affectionately.
"No," the boy replied, looking at him with a shoe in his hand, "I want to try it on my Optimus Prime."
Christmas Massacre
Four-year-old Keiran ran into his mother's room in a panic. "Mom, you need to get Duke out of here."
Confused, his mom looked at him curiously. "Why?"
"Duke ate Ellie the Elf, and Santa's probably going to call the cops," Kieran said frantically.
At just that moment, an overweight bulldog came sauntering into the room merrily with a Santa ornament hanging out of his mouth.
Keiran put his hand on his forehead and sighed. "Well, there's no hope for him now. No Santa Claus for his paws this year!"
Christmas Coal
Two naughty boys begged their father to open one present on Christmas Eve. With a knowing look, their father handed them two big boxes filled with coal.
"Just remember, this is only the first present."
He wanted them to learn a lesson, but not to be too disappointed.
Upon opening the coal, the two boys jump up and down in excitement.
Confused, the father looked at them, asking, "Why are you so excited about coal?"
The youngest boy looked at him in exasperation. "You said this is only the first present, and we really didn't think Santa would bring us that train."
The Christmas Dinner
Young Jessica always wanted a dog for Christmas. She asked Santa at the mall, and she even put it on her wish list. When Christmas came, her mom handed her a huge box with holes. Excited, Jessica ripped it open, only to be disappointed to find a little potbelly pig.
Then Jessica asked her mom, "Why did Santa get me a pig?" From the kitchen, her dad yelled, "Oh, that's my fault."
"Why?" Jessica asked. Her father replied, "I asked Santa for a Christmas ham."
Santa Is Stuck!
Jack and his sisters had just come down the stairs on Christmas morning. The pile of presents had the children vibrating with excitement.
Suddenly, a loud banging came from the family's chimney. Jack and his sisters looked at the fireplace in horror, asking, "Is Santa stuck in there?" The family flew to the window, only to find a family of raccoons scurrying up the sides with Christmas decorations in tow, ready for their own celebration!
Don't Forget Joe
John's little brother Joe was born on the same day that his Elf on the Shelf, Maria, came to his house. After writing his goodbye letter to Maria on Christmas Eve, John's parents noticed him pushing Joe's bouncy seat toward the chimney.
"What are you doing?" His mom asked. "I just wanted to make sure Santa didn't forget to take Joe, too."
Santa's Secret Identity
A little boy secretly followed a department store Santa to the changing room. The man came out in his street clothes, ready to go home. The boy popped out, "I knew it."
Nervously, the man looked around, asking, "Knew what?"
Smiling ear to ear, the little boy leaned in close and whispered, "I knew that Santa wouldn't be able to keep an eye on all the little girls and boys without a secret identity."
The man smiled, nodding. "Just make sure not to tell anyone."
The little boy nodded enthusiastically, "I won't, San…" the boy paused, looking around cautiously before adding, "I mean Kris Kringle."
Be Careful Grandma
As grandma was getting ready to leave the house on Christmas Eve, Olivia looked at her with concern. "Make sure to be really careful on your way home. Santa is delivering presents."
Her grandmother smiled at her. "I don't think I have to worry about Santa."
Olivia looked at her incredulously, jaw on the floor, "Haven't you heard? He's already run one grandmother over!"
Funny Christmas Stories
Christmas is a time for giving gifts, getting together with family, and having a Santa bag full of fun and joy. Keep your guests, and your holly jolly self, entertained with a few funny stories. You might even use these as a starting point to write a Christmas joke or silly story of your own to see who can light up the most joy in the room!
